Category: Holidays

Candy Action Scale

Candy Scale

I have always known, anecdotally, that I reside in the Halloween Capitol of Seattle, but until now I have not had scientific proof.

In Seattle, the Fremont neighborhood claims to be the Center of the Universe, but I know that this is not true. This time of year, Capitol Hill is — at least it’s the Center of the Known Halloween Universe.

In a move of utter brilliance, Capitol Hill Seattle blog has published this Ultimate Guide: Fancy Pants Capitol Hill Trick-or-treating. The folks behind the Capitol Hill Seattle Blog, a neighborhood blog catering to the fancy pants part of Seattle’s Capitol Hill, have determined, by using Zillow Heatmaps and a childhood theory, that North Capitol Hill is one of the best places to score candy this year.

Trick or Treat Map

Of course, I’ve always known this, but up until this time, have had no scientific way to prove this obvious thesis.

This is why I live here. I have had a compelling a desire to live in Halloween Central, and I reside in the epicenter.

The author claims to have received 250 children last year. I know that is true, but I am raising the bar, as we received over 500 kids and I hope this year to break our record.

Presbytery House
Halloween Central, circa 1937

I live in the center of all this Halloween madness, an area roughly from Galer to Mercer, 16th Ave. East to 22nd Ave. East. If you look on a map, I am precisely at the center. My house already has a bit of historic provenance, being a former ancillary for the Presbyterian Church (formerly known as “Presbytery House”) and was in use from 1912 to 1964. The Robels then raised their 6 children there and we are the third owners. We were given the church logs, sign and various newspaper articles and clippings attesting to its history as a church, vicarage, meeting place and chapel, and we are holding those items for safekeeping, to turn over to some new residents, someday.

Because of or in spite of its history, we take great pleasure in decorating the home for Halloween. Spooky music, strobe lights, howling witches, animatronic figures, black lights, this and more go into our home decor in October. Some neighborhoods have “Candy Cane Lane”. We have haunted houses, ghouls, giant styrofoam gargoyles and “Bates Hotel” signs.

My neighbors across the street have built a coffin out of what appears to be an old shipping crate, the neighbor behind me has a haunted house in their garage and the guy a few doors down dug an open grave on their front lawn. But I have a few tricks this year that’s going to blow them out of the water.

Be afraid. Be very afraid!

Happy Valentine’s Day

Valentines Day

What a lovely sentiment.

How many people can wish their loved ones Happy Valentine’s Day like this? Hairshirt? Sacred undergarments? Italian sweater? Flak Magazine’s Essay on Back Hair.

Just like long hair in general? The Long Hair Site

Wunderland Long Hair Index

In Korea, there’s a government campaign against long hair. It stressed the “negative effects” of long hair on “human intelligence development”, noting that long hair “consumes a great deal of nutrition” and could thus rob the brain of energy. North Korea wages war against long hair.